Can we say psychotherapy anyone?

Can we say psychotherapy anyone? Yes, I am talking about the famous show The Bachelor. A bunch of my close friends and I have watched this silly show for seasons now, and I honestly have kept watching it for another blog called thebachelorrecaps.blogspot.com. (that's a shout out to Lincee and her hilarious commentary.) Its so funny to read that it truly is a reason to watch the program. Otherwise I would dare say its a colossal waste of your time people.

Well the uproar at the moment is that the bach, (from Austin, TX) picked no one and seemed to a mess of problems in the end. There was follow up show last night and what was missing was some key things that I, being the expert that I am, have chosen to comment on here for you. I was struck at the worlds idea of love, verses that of a 'believer'. And quintessential things that differentiate the two. So here is goes.

HE kept saying that he had true feelings and a lot of them just couldn't 100% take the step forward. What I would say to this 100% thing which is clearly the issue for him, (even his own mother intimated that it was black and white for Brad in his life, no grey areas) is this. Brad is much like my own man in the whole need to be full of integrity and feel everything 100% a 100% of time. What he has learned, after 8 and a half years of marriage is that you take the chance on what you know at the time, the initial connection,(which I felt for 2 years before he did fully) and the rest is worked out in the living part of love. There is no perfect mate or person. You may feel a connection, or butterflys but they don't always look like we think they should and don't come around over and over and over again. I mean really people, BUTTERFLYS!!!!! Please...... we are not in high school here or watching a Lifetime made for TV movie. Attraction is one thing, but love is another. Love is a commitment at its heart, this is the key to last nights problem in our male.

My husband and I went through a 8 month separation after only two years of being married, and let me tell you, staying was love, 1 Corinthians 13 style. Walking through marriage is a ton of work and love is the glue that holds you together. Love is watching your mate stand by your side and commit to care and extend and sacrifice themselves for the other. 'Butterflys' are the result of the walking out of those moments, truly. When you see those concepts lived out the 'butterflys' come. Like when my husband puts off doing something he really wanted to do, so that I could have a break from the kids. Or its me saying I love him to the core of who he is.... so, I will stay no matter how hard it was and as much as I wanted to just walk away. (He gets butterflys when he thinks on that) Romance is also a different category as well which let me say is maybe, and I believe I am stretching it out here about 7-10% of marriage. Even the getting down to it part, is not what you see on the movies, where people are tearing their clothes off in passion, but moreover a total enrapture of sweetness of the moment. We all know 'romance' is about 95% of dating, but reality is not grounded in any of that. It is fleeting at best, and once we are married it flees at record rates, especially after kids. I love my husband in many different ways, but the whole 'romantic butterfly' theory is not the base for any of it, more like the icing on the cake.

So what I would say to Brad (our bachelor for those who are saying that the heck is this all about?) is there needs to be a measure of reality is his ideal. Its not about perfection or finding it. He kept saying he was not perfect, and had no formula for love. Well the reality is he does, or he wouldn't have rejected even the process of trying to figure it out. In some places there are gray areas, and they are gray for a reason. They need to be explored, tested, stretched and tried before making conclusions, as long as you are not breaking a moral code in doing that. And love is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment. Feelings are what leads us there initially, but the rest is risk, and risk is frightening. However, what I can say is, that its worth the risk. It doesn't mean that the first moment it's hard, or doesn't feel or go your way, that its all been bunk and it's time to quit. More likely a time to dig in and find out more about yourself in giving it to another. Love to you peeps.