What did you say?

Evan looks a little bit startled here , something like," say what?". He was doing pretty well, had just eaten and was fat and happy on Thanksgiving day. This pic got me to thinking about what we say. I mean how many times have you walked some where and said to some one, "Hey, how are you?" I am sure many times a day. Now, how many times have done it and not been really wanting to know the answer to that question from said person, for whatever reason? You probably wouldn't answer that honestly even now. What I am saying is, are we really being honest, ourselves, when we ask something as simple as that or any other complex thing we might respond to others about?

The other day I was looking at myself in the car, and realized I have a faux designer make up bag, a faux designer handbag, and even a faux diamond wedding ring. There is a lot on my outside that looks less than real, or shall I say honest. In high school, I was very far from honest or dare we say, I was superficial. When I asked that question, I do not think I really cared what the person's answer was. I don't think I was honestly interested in listening to their state of being at that moment. I have since changed greatly thanks to Jesus, and high school superficiality is long gone, however, my thought was do I really always act with a honest heart toward others? toward God? My answer is a big no. God has revealed that my heart has many times gone through the motions and not been in it 100% in whatever I am attempting whether that is asking how someones day is, to places of unforgiveness or bitterness in my heart.

So whats the remedy? I think it always comes back to getting to the root. Why are you not being honest? Why live in a faux way? God certainly wants our honesty and He wants it because being real and honest in our lives is the best place for us to be for Him to work on us. Like my friend was saying this morning, if you are pretending He knows at whatever level you are consciously, or unconsciously doing it at, and until you get real, He will keep steering your path to the place where you finally get real with yourself, Him, and others.

So, as the verse tells us, Let your yes be a yes, and your no be a no. Be real. Be honest, and if you ask someone how they are.... be prepared to really want to hear what they say. If you don't want to know I guess, don't ask! Jesus is more pleased with us being the person He intends us to be, than living in some proposed idea of what we fakely thing he would like us to be. Love to you peeps.

Can we say psychotherapy anyone?

Can we say psychotherapy anyone? Yes, I am talking about the famous show The Bachelor. A bunch of my close friends and I have watched this silly show for seasons now, and I honestly have kept watching it for another blog called thebachelorrecaps.blogspot.com. (that's a shout out to Lincee and her hilarious commentary.) Its so funny to read that it truly is a reason to watch the program. Otherwise I would dare say its a colossal waste of your time people.

Well the uproar at the moment is that the bach, (from Austin, TX) picked no one and seemed to a mess of problems in the end. There was follow up show last night and what was missing was some key things that I, being the expert that I am, have chosen to comment on here for you. I was struck at the worlds idea of love, verses that of a 'believer'. And quintessential things that differentiate the two. So here is goes.

HE kept saying that he had true feelings and a lot of them just couldn't 100% take the step forward. What I would say to this 100% thing which is clearly the issue for him, (even his own mother intimated that it was black and white for Brad in his life, no grey areas) is this. Brad is much like my own man in the whole need to be full of integrity and feel everything 100% a 100% of time. What he has learned, after 8 and a half years of marriage is that you take the chance on what you know at the time, the initial connection,(which I felt for 2 years before he did fully) and the rest is worked out in the living part of love. There is no perfect mate or person. You may feel a connection, or butterflys but they don't always look like we think they should and don't come around over and over and over again. I mean really people, BUTTERFLYS!!!!! Please...... we are not in high school here or watching a Lifetime made for TV movie. Attraction is one thing, but love is another. Love is a commitment at its heart, this is the key to last nights problem in our male.

My husband and I went through a 8 month separation after only two years of being married, and let me tell you, staying was love, 1 Corinthians 13 style. Walking through marriage is a ton of work and love is the glue that holds you together. Love is watching your mate stand by your side and commit to care and extend and sacrifice themselves for the other. 'Butterflys' are the result of the walking out of those moments, truly. When you see those concepts lived out the 'butterflys' come. Like when my husband puts off doing something he really wanted to do, so that I could have a break from the kids. Or its me saying I love him to the core of who he is.... so, I will stay no matter how hard it was and as much as I wanted to just walk away. (He gets butterflys when he thinks on that) Romance is also a different category as well which let me say is maybe, and I believe I am stretching it out here about 7-10% of marriage. Even the getting down to it part, is not what you see on the movies, where people are tearing their clothes off in passion, but moreover a total enrapture of sweetness of the moment. We all know 'romance' is about 95% of dating, but reality is not grounded in any of that. It is fleeting at best, and once we are married it flees at record rates, especially after kids. I love my husband in many different ways, but the whole 'romantic butterfly' theory is not the base for any of it, more like the icing on the cake.

So what I would say to Brad (our bachelor for those who are saying that the heck is this all about?) is there needs to be a measure of reality is his ideal. Its not about perfection or finding it. He kept saying he was not perfect, and had no formula for love. Well the reality is he does, or he wouldn't have rejected even the process of trying to figure it out. In some places there are gray areas, and they are gray for a reason. They need to be explored, tested, stretched and tried before making conclusions, as long as you are not breaking a moral code in doing that. And love is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment. Feelings are what leads us there initially, but the rest is risk, and risk is frightening. However, what I can say is, that its worth the risk. It doesn't mean that the first moment it's hard, or doesn't feel or go your way, that its all been bunk and it's time to quit. More likely a time to dig in and find out more about yourself in giving it to another. Love to you peeps.

Too Much Potassium

Here is Elle's school pic from this fall. I am actually not sure if I am allowed to post the pic, but we bought it, so I can can, right? I love it, she doesn't. She actually argued with me about having it retaken. She thought she had a goofy smile. I mean really,this starts now? The worry, the anxiety about how one looks? It is just crazy. She is adorable, you agree I know!!!

We got the test results back form Elle's blood work and the tests showed that she has an elevated level of potassium. The Doctor wanted her to retake the test Friday (yesterday) so that we could see if it had risen any higher or it was just a fluke. This was not an exciting idea to Elle to go back for more torture. However, I am so pleased to report she did awesome. We sat together, she got a little nervous, she saw the needle, tensed up, and said no no no! Then out of no where she steeled herself and said, "I'm ready". And she was! She laughed and watched and talked about how she had strawberry milk. (Cows have the regular stuff, she apparently thinks we are all made of milk). Afterward, we had a little mommy and Elle treat at TCBY. This was a much better experience than the first time we went through it. Anyway, that's all we know right now. The Dr. had said originally that it could possibly be a metabolic imbalance. So I guess he is exploring that idea a little further. That's all we know and we are still in the waiting game beyond that, taking it slow and trying to stay in a good mental zone. Thanks for praying and keep us in those (prayers that is). We are all trying to keep it together around here, so we seriously appreciate it when you think of us! Love to you peeps.

Everything with Bananas

I so wanted to have a pic here of the twins during their feeding times. I do have said pics, yet once again I am inept. I will figure this out. The problem really lies with our computer and its older software not being complaint with the new software in which I would use to download these newer pics. Like that explanation? All that to say, we are experiencing technical difficulties. Anyway, the title of the blog today makes me things about how I can give basically anything to the twins to eat as long as I give it to them with bananas. They absolutely love the stuff. Now I have tried this once or twice myself. It resembles bananas, however, I would not go as far as to say I hunger for them. One night, when we were running a little late on the night feeding, Evan was just undone. He would not take the bottle before hand, which is the usual routine. I went frantically to the cupboard and starting grabbing anything I could to ease the screaming. I reached for peas and carrots and sweet potatoes, and of course bananas. He gobbled up everything and when it came to the bananas I seriously could not have fed them to him faster with a straw!!! It got me to thinking about bananas.

Its often used as a funny phrase;"your bananas", or "I went bananas for this or that or over this or that." The world's thinking on that is usually a negative. We experienced something of that notion very recently in our neighborhood, and it was crazy and sad honestly. However, it doesn't always have to be a 'bad' thing, or even a sad thing. I love the Keith Green song, where he is talking about what it means to be a real christian,( he often would lead a fiery talk during one of his songs, Go Keith!). Anyway......... his point at the end of his little speech was, what does it mean to be a real Christian, to be bananas for Jesus. I now think of that when I feed the kids. Pray that they would be just as hungry for Jesus, as they are about bananas. I mean bananas with everything makes eating enjoyable and doable for the kids. So does Jesus, for all of us. Love to you peeps.

Here are some cute pics of the twins in their baby bumbo sitters. Yes, I know they were recalled, but we are ever careful to not place them on the concrete floor and to be close by when they are in them . That said, I think they look darn cute sitting in them! The other one is of Evie again on her dedication day, and Elle is trying to get her to pay attention to her so that she will smile. What is it about siblings and how they are most often able to get a giggle and more out of their younger siblings? I mean Elle can rough them up and they love it. She will get right in their face and they light up. Its just sweet. I also happen to think that my husband looks so handsome in that blue shirt, I just had to point that out. Forget it ladies, He's mine. I know that's what you were thinking anyway!

I just wanted to say thanks to all who have written me a little email or even taken the step to figure out how to respond on the post. Like I said to my sister who wrote, an encouragement can go a long way. I have to say I have had a little time in between the laundry loads, feedings, baths, homework, dishes and choir practice to think a little today. Do you ever feel like your are drowning? I was listening to the radio and a song by casting crowns came on that spoke of that feeling and I could so relate. I found myself just crying to that phrase and thinking yes, I am. In a few ways...mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually. Like I said in yesterday's blog I feel consumed. Quickly that word brings to mind the verse in Lamentations 3:21-25,"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for His com passions never fail, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him. The Lord is good to those whose Hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him." I can remember writing that passage on a little sticky in college and posting it on my steering wheel so that when I went off to school or work, I would remember and be encouraged. I brought that same little sticky out when Greg and I went through the nasty years in our marriage, and it was hope instilling. Now I find myself clinging to it once again, however in a new way. That's the nice thing about the word, its message is always relevant. It doesn't change, though we do. As I change it becomes richer. So the encouragement is that we are not totally drowning. We may feel like we are and the waves are so high, but the reality we don't understand is that the rescue ship is a mile away on the horizon steaming toward us and it has us on its radar. We are not consumed, or swallowed by it, just riding it until the help becomes visible to our naked eyes. What a life preserver Jesus can be. So in my anxiety attack today, I am going to just try to breathe deeply in these truths that I know and can rely on. Even when I can't feel it. Love to you peeps.

So we wait and pray, would you too?

This is an old pic of our girlie girl from her nursery school days. We just wanted to put something up here, and I am so computer challenged that I do not know how to download the new stuff. So here it is. What I wish I could have as a pic today is of Elle having her blood drawn! It was quite a sight. We went to the the neurologist today and part of the appt. was to have her blood drawn as an initial step in this process. He seemed to think the major stuff, MD, or CP, or any kind of form was a long shot simply because her symptoms don't match up. She would be getting weaker after she started into a run not stronger, which is what happens with her. he thought it could possibly be a congenital muscle disorder, (don't ask me the formal name of it!) that causes the muscles to be stiff. If that was even the case we would have to do a muscle biopsy in order to diagnose it and we are simply not there. So at the moment we wait, and pray. We pray that the blood tests would come back negative in all diseases or disorders that it can rule out, and we wait a few months and watch to see where Elle is, if its progressing or maintaining we will go the next step, if not, we will just continue to watch.

The waiting game just stinks. I mean lets be honest here folks....its just does. However, I am comforted in that in the waiting God can renew me, help me in my gripping fears, love me, walk with me through it. Its been a process of faith for me. I know you are praying. Maybe some of you pray for us, maybe some just think of us, but I can tell you I feel it. I was a basket case with the initial appts, and today despite a little snappy moment with Greg in the the Dr's office,(for which he forgave me!) I did really well. I still need the pray though. I sometimes feel just consumed with fear, literally having to fight it off, for me and all our family. Other times I feel so confident and peaceful. Its always been a struggle for me to not get lost in fear, and these kinds of things just seem to exasperate it. So when you are thinking of or praying for us, and the things I have asked for Elle, you can throw that into the mix.

Prayer is somewhat of and enigma, not formulaic, and God knows there are enough books on how to do it. The only reference on how to in the Bible from Jesus, is the Lords Prayer. I just know that in all of it, I just lay it out there for God to hear me say what He already knows. To beseech Him, and ask of Him. To communicate that I love Him and that I need Him, especially in this and these types of things, and of course so much more, (praise etc.). What I can say confidently is that He listens, and He is there. I thank Jesus for all of you and for all your prayers for me, for Elle, for our family. Please keep praying for us, with us. We love you and feel them, and need you.

Dedication

Here we are a few weeks back now, at the twins dedication at our church. The second one is just just a sweet smile that my dad was able to catch on Evie and since she doesn't seem to have as many on film, I couldn't resist sharing it! The day was special with both sets of our parents able to attend and support us. Our church does a special thing where if we choose, we can read a letter to the kids and congregation stating why we are going through that motion with them. I will include our letter here;Evangeline Hope and Evan Charles Ben,

You are sweet gifts to us that were initially quite a surprise.
When we found out that you were both on the way,
we were filled with joy
and honestly a little fear as to how we’d handle giving you all you would need.
What we have found is that God is incredibly faithful and that there is plenty of love to go around.
He has provided for you through so many of the people that love and serve Him,
and he has given us the grace we have needed to get through every day.
When you were still being formed
we prayed that you would come to understand just what all that means as you grow.
That God is there: ready to fill you with Himself in every way.
We pray that your lives would be full with a passion and zeal for the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, our Jesus.
We pray that you would honor him with your actions and words, and moreover
that your hearts would be captivated with His love for you.
That you also, would commit yourselves to live a life in Him and for His glory,
and that you would pass this legacy of Christ-filled living on to your children,
and they on to theirs.

Your names represent some of our hopes for you.
Evangeline Hope: we know you like to tell us what you’re feeling all the time,
so we pray that you would embody the meaning of your name by being a bearer of the good news and the hope of Jesus within you.
Evan Charles Ben: your middle names are after your grandpa and granddaddy,
men who have passed their legacy of faith on to us.
Your first name means warrior.
We pray you will be a warrior of the lovingkindness of Jesus,
and translate that to those around you.

We know we will not get this right all the time.
We will fail to always communicate the true character of Christ.
However, we will rely on Jesus and hope in Him that we can be humble in those moments to ask for your forgiveness and grace.
We are dedicating you to the Lord today because it is our deepest desire for you to come to know Jesus in an authentic and sincere relationship.
We are committing ourselves today to show His saving love, grace, and mercy, in the way that we parent you throughout the years.
Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
We pray this for you.

We love you.

Mommy and Daddy

We came out of that day thinking, why do we dedicate? Well, the answer.... we do it more for us in a way, that we would cerimonally show on the outward what our hearts have commited to on the inward. Stating that this is our intent as parents, for our family. And for our children, in the hopes of all that we wrote above, because they are His. Its our job just to figure out how to witness and show that to them. It was a beautiful day, and we are so thankful to have the step of the letter to really be focused on our reasons for all of us. So we share it with you and in this cyber cerimony do it all over again, and ask that you would support us and pray for us in these goals! Love to you, The Hills

Elle Gal, and such

Well here is our little partner. Elle had planned on being the same ol princess that she is every year, but she changed her mind some where in the early part of the week to be a cowgirl. We whole heartedly supported this decision. It was a very easy costume to come up with as far as the mom responsibility here. And even though I ended up holding most of the accessories by the end of our treating time it was still fun and a Elle orginal idea. We thought we would share with you with the pics from the early evening so as to get the full effect. She had a great time treating with her best little buddies. Our neighborhood goes all out for Halloween, or as we say around here harvest celebration day, (work with me folks!) and Elle jumped into it with out any fear. We were proud of her attitude. Anyway,

enjoy!

The kids, the giants

It has been brought to our attention that our kids look like giants in this photo. Maybe so, you decide. I 'm trying to play with this whole blog thing a little so hopefully you are even able to see what I am talking about. Here goes the try.......

Elle is absolutely in love with her siblings. Even now there is not a bit of jealousy and she is ever helpful to do what she can around the casa. Evie is becoming a sweet little girl, more girlie even than Elle was at that age. She coos and laughs at herself. One of her favorite past times is to get up from her naps or in the morning and go straight to the mirror. The girl lights up, or lets just say she likes herself a plenty. She will laugh and smile and shake her head at herself. Its all joy. We try this same practice with Evan, and he looks at himself blankly as to say, whats the point here? True female and true male. We have it all here folks.